Let Love In
by WhatsMyLine
Summary: Never written fanfic before (I hate coming up with a title), but when I saw the new casting news I got very excited about this Mr. Green. He seems like a perfect match for Thomas.
1. Chapter 1

Thomas woke up with a start. A dream again. At least they weren't about Jimmy anymore, just a faceless man who wanted him. He had promised Jimmy they could just be friends, but Thomas couldn't control his dreams could he? He looked at the clock. It was a quarter til 6-no point in trying to sleep again. Thomas got up and went to the mirror. The calendar on the wall behind it mocked him. 1922 in big red numbers. How long had it been? He didn't want to think about it. It put his teeth on edge and today was not a day to be on edge. There'd be so much to do with the biggest party since Lady Mary's wedding happening. Thomas wondered if she'd thought of that too. He didn't often feel sorry for Lady Mary, but after the man she'd known for so long and was married to for such a sort time died he did feel some pity. He'd always thought some of the reason Mary loved Matthew was because being with him meant being the queen of Downton. Maybe that was true, but she'd loved him. _Stop thinking about love_, he told himself.

Downstairs Carson was bellowing orders to everyone about what they had to do and who had to be where. After the family's breakfast they were to get ready for Mr. Napier's arrival. He was bringing two friends and they'd all be staying the night since they were coming up from London. Surely they'd all been having a great time there and their own houses weren't ready for them. At ten-thirty they were all lined up at the front of the house except Lady Mary. She didn't want to see other people until the party. Dealing with well-wishers before then would only tire her. Thomas didn't blame her. The three men got out of the car. Thomas remember Napier from before the war. He introduced his friends.

"This is Lord Gillingham and Sir Charles Blake," he said.

_No doubt spare heirs_, Thomas thought. At least they were handsome, but he doubted Mary would be ready to move on quite yet. _They must be careful if they want a chance with her._

Two valets got out of the front of the car. He recognized Napier's-Mr. Parks he thought-and the other turned out to be Gillingham's man Green. Blake didn't have one but assured Carson that his friends' men would help him if he needed anything.

"Don't want to put extra work on you staff," he said. "Not tonight."

Thomas thought this man looked tired, but he perked up when he mentioned "tonight". He'd be trouble alright.

Inside Thomas was helping the valets unpack the luggage. Mr. Green was a similar age to Thomas, but his face somehow seemed more youthful. Jovial might have been the word.

"So what does an under-butler do exactly? I've never been to a house with one before?"

Thomas tensed up for a second, but then realized Green's tone was mocking, but genuinely curious.

"I just help out Mr. Carson. Hopefully I'll get to be butler one day. He's not getting any younger and the house is getting pretty full with the kids and all. Should be fuller though..." he trailed off.

"Do you think she'll get married again?" he asked excitedly.

"Are you always such a gossip Mr. Green?"

"I just like to know where thing's stand."

Thomas looked up again. Mr. Green didn't seem offended. Thomas considered him and his question for a moment.

"I don't know they went through a lot together, but...I hope she does one day. She's too young to spend the rest of her life alone."

"No one deserves to be alone," he said and held Thomas's gaze.

It seemed like for too long and Thomas broke it and went back to the shirts. He must've imagined it, he told himself. After everything with Jimmy, Thomas figured there was no such thing as being too careful.


	2. Update

Oh goodness I haven't checked this in a while. I wrote this on a whim and didn't think I'd have followers. I haven't written anything ficition since 2008. I'll try to update by the end of the week as I do daydream about DA a lot. Sorry to keep y'all waiting and if my writing sometimes feels like essay style sorry for that too.


	3. Chapter 2

In the yard Thomas watched a chunk of ash from his cigarette fall to the ground. On nice days like this he never felt more alone. Sure he was more friendly with the staff than he'd been a few years ago, but he still felt like he'd never had a real friend. O'Brien had clearly been a bust and although Jimmy'd agreed to be his friend he couldn't share all his problems with him. Though it made him happy to his friend Thomas had to to admit the self-destructive potential of trying to be friends with someone he could never have. Try as he might Thomas still hadn't gotten over what might have been. A relationship with someone who lived under the same roof as him. What better thing could there be for someone like him...He took another drag on his cigarette and before he could think another pathetic thing...

_Whistling_

Mr. Green had come out the door carrying a pair of shoes. Thomas vaguely recognized the tune.

"Come Josephine-"

"That's right Mr. uh I never got your name earlier"

"Mr. Barrow"

"Well, Mr. Barrow just came to shine his shoes for tonight out here. Lovely day eh?"

"Aye," Thomas said curtly pulling out another cigarette. He thought about going back inside, but decided it may be better around someone who had nothing to do the people he usually lived with.

"Sorry to interrupt your smoke break don't mind me" he smiled and started whistling again.

Thomas nodded,got out his lighter and started on the next cigarette.

"_Up, up a little bit higher/ Oh look the moon is on fire _-oh sorry. S'habit," Green said catching sight of Thomas looking at him.

""S'not bad actually" He was being honest the few bars Green had sung were well done. He had a confident tenor voice.

"Aught I have been on the stage? Instead of polishing other bloke's shoes?"

Thomas thought the way Green was looking at him strangely again. In the back of his mind he realized that Green had nice full lips. Maybe he'd feel it out.

"I'd go see you."

Green merely laughed and went back to polishing the shoes. Maybe not then.

"Actually Mr. Barrow at the risk of being impertinent I'd like to ask you a few things. I know you called me a gossip earlier, but I'm sure you like that just as much as any of us-talking about _them_ that is. Nothing too bad of course, but what else do folks like us have to do with our time. We can't very well lead our own lives that much."

"Go on then."

Green smiled, "About Lady Mary. What was her husband like-I mean them together-how'd they come to be an' all?"

"Aren't you the good man to Lord Gillingham," Thomas snorted. "It was a lot of back and forth between them. He was the new heir after the Earl's cousins died. She was very snobbish to him at first. Before I left for the army he'd proposed, but something must've happened cos they were with other people when I got back. His fiance died of the flu. She broke it off with her's and then they got married early 1920 and he died the fall of the next year."

"Sounds like a romance novel. Can I have a smoke? Thanks. He's met her before you know, when they were kids, I'm sure they thought his brother would've been a good match for one of the other girls."

"Bet he stopped coming when they realized Lady Edith was no prize. Sybil was, though she was probably too young for him."

"That Branson fellow does seem rather glum. But that's an entirely different subject."

"You really ought to get in with her lady's maid."

"I dunno she looks a bit too noble for such things."

"Fair point. She might have ten years ago, but she's spent a bit too much time with that martyr she has for a husband."

"If you get on ok with her be sure to pass some of this on. It'll sound better coming from you instead of his valet. Less obvious."

"Yes, you aren't very subtle."

"Being subtle didn't get me to where I am now."

"You mean the valet to a man with a low ranking title, not much money or land who is trying to court a recently widowed heiress?"

"And if this works out I'll basically be the valet to an earl, not in name but in everything else. He's got other things to offer. He went to university. _Business_. He knows how to survive better than all the actual earls and dukes."

"Lady Mary only has to marry for love this time. You can tell him to remember that."

The next few minutes passed in silence. Green got up and made for the door.

"Maybe I could sing for you again sometime," he said with a twinkle in his eye.

Thomas widened his eyes and Green must've noticed because he smirked as he went back inside.

This was just what Thomas needed and yet didn't need. Carson was in a fluster making sure the kitchen was on track to have everything ready, getting Thomas to help him decant the wines, and yelling at Jimmy and Alfred to make sure all the silver was ready.

"Calm down Mr. Carson the extra waiters will be here soon enough," said Mrs. Hughes.

"Bunch of whippersnappers doubt any of them have served table even half this size before. Lady Mary's birthday party has to go off without a hitch."

Thomas mouthed "The honor of Downton is at stake" to Jimmy and Alfred.

"Don't worry Mr. Carson we'll go over it with them when they get her and they'll be the four of us to follow along-you could always let Anna or one the maids help too you know."

Carson sputtered.

"Not at a party as grand as this Mr. Barrow especially not one for Lady Mary!"

Thomas heard the telephone ringing from Carson's office and went to get it. Green was leaning against the wall.

"Quite a commotion isn't it?" he said raising an eyebrow toward the kitchen. "You may get your promotion sooner than you think I dunno if your butler will make it through this. Better get that call though."

Thomas answered the phone with a smile on his face.

"Hello?"

Green appeared in the doorway.

"I see," the smile slid off Thomas's face. "No, we couldn't have that thank you for calling anyways Mrs. Black."

He hung up the phone.

"Damn"

"Bad news for your butler?"

"Two of the lads that were coming up to help serve have taken ill. Perhaps you'll be right about my promotion"

"I have a gift of premonition"

"He'll be unbearable for weeks if this goes wrong. Lady Mary's his favorite."

"I could help," he offered. "I'd have to ask him, but I'm sure he wouldn't mind. Lord Gillingham wants tonight to go _very _smoothly."

"Why not then?"

"Good. I'll go ask him and you break the news to the major domo and then smooth it over. Play the hero Mr. Barrow." Green brushed past Thomas as he left.

There was plenty of space in the room, Thomas thought, that had to be on purpose. He mustn't get his hopes up though.

Carson looked like he might have a stroke when Thomas told him they'd be down two waiters.

"It'll be fine though Mr. Green has offered to help if he can. He went to ask Lord Gillingham if he could help after he's dressed him. And I'm sure Mr. Green knows more about this sort of thing than a couple of townies."

Mr. Green came in looking a little winded.

"I can serve sir. Lord Gillingham says its alright."

"Oh well thank you. You'll have to thank him for me when you see him again," said Carson.

"No problem sir."

"Barrow help him find a livery would you? Come help me finish decanting the wines when you're done"

"Straight away, Mr. Carson."


	4. Chapter 3

Thomas was leading Mr. Green to the livery closet.

"What's your Christian name Mr. Barrow?"

Thomas paused for half a second. This seemed forward, but maybe he was just a very friendly guy.

"Thomas, _Mr. Green_" he said in the most flirtatiously teasing voice he could muster. At least that's how he intended it to come across.

"Andrew"

"After you _Andy,_" he said gesturing to the door.

"No one's called me that since I was lad. I'm a grown man now," he said puffing out his chest.

"Whatever you say."

They went inside the room. Thomas felt nervous; this was the moment to find out. If this didn't happen tonight who knows when he'd have the chance again.

"We're about the same size"-a slight pause-"_Thomas_...that should make it easier for you to find the right one for me."

Thomas shivered when Green said his name like that with such pleasure. He turned planing to confront Mr. Green about his intentions, but stopped when he saw Green had taken off his jacket and was already unbuttoning his vest.

"Uhhh...these here should work Mr. Green," he said and held out the livery to him.

Green's hands brushed against Thomas's and lingered.

"Call me Andrew, Thomas."

"What exactly are you trying to get at Andrew?" Thomas said. He could feel himself quivering.

"Don't you know?"

Thomas felt himself blush. There was certainly no doubt now about Green who was wearing an impish grin.

"I'm like you aren't I, Thomas? We're a little different from the others."

"...yes. We are."

"Don't worry just relax. Let me," he said drawing nearer.

Thomas closed his eyes and a moment later felt Andrew's hand on his face and he shuddered.

"It's ok."

"I-it's been-" _Oh God, _he thought opening his eyes_, he doesn't want to hear all this. I've made a mistake. _

"You don't need to explain anything to me."

Thomas shut his eyes again and felt Andrew's lips on his, smelled Andrew's cologne-woodsy and musky. He kissed back in earnest. Andrew put one hand behind Thomas's head and the other at his waist. Thomas groaned with pleasure as a playful tongue slipped into his mouth. In this moment Thomas could nearly forget everything the Duke, the war, Lt. Courtney, O'Brien's betrayal. He could almost forget Jimmy, but some part of him still wished that was who was kissing him. Andrew pulled back.

"Better make sure this fits. That wine's not gonna take care of itself, Mr. Barrow," he said pulling off his shirt and grabbing the dress shirt from the floor.

Thomas bit his bottom lip still trying to process what had just happened.

"Perfect fit I'd say," said Andrew strutting around the tiny room in the livery. Thomas had to admit he agreed.

"Yes, mustn't let them think I've disappeared."

"Can-can I come see you later? After the party and all," Green asked tentatively.

Green's face was so earnest Thomas knew he couldn't say no.

"Sure. Why not?"

Green's face lit up. Laugh lines appeared at the corners of his eyes.

"See you later, then."

"I look forward to it."

As Thomas walked down the hall, he smiled to himself. He did look forward to it. Jimmy may be who he wanted, but there was no point in lying to himself. That couldn't happen. This man wasn't bad. He was handsome enough. He had a kind face. A maturity that Jimmy didn't have and-most important of all-someone was interested in him and that hadn't happened in quite a while.

_This will be fun, a change of pace to be the one being pursued, _Thomas thought_, he probably won't come back here again. Surely Lady Mary's not ready for a suitor. I may see him again during the season someday, maybe not. Tonight will be fun. But you want real love don't you? But that can't happen, not for you._


	5. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thank you guys so much for the follows and reviews! So far writing my first fanfic has been fun.**

* * *

Carson was working himself into a frenzy.

"Everyone! We have to be in top form tonight. We haven't had a party like this since-

_Lady Mary and Matthew's wedding_, Thomas thought.

"Well, for a long time. The Crawleys are ready to get back to entertaining so tonight is very important. We will provide the best service and we won't let Lady Mary down. Back to work then be quick about it."

As the assorted house maids, footmen, and kitchen staff scurried off, Mrs. Hughes patted Carson's arm.

"It'll be fine Carson. I don't think she'll notice if anything's not up to snuff. Poor girl, I don't think she's looking forward to any of it."

Mrs. Hughes' view of Lady Mary had softened somewhat after Matthew died.

"I know she's not up to it, but this'll almost be like a second coming out for her. His Lordship has said he doesn't want her to be a mourning widow forever."

"She will always be a widow though, whatever happens."

Thomas was watching from the corner. Anna was a few feet away from him sewing at the table. He saw her suck in her bottom lip and knew she'd been listening too. Maybe Thomas would help Green after all.

"The clothes almost ready for tonight then?"

"Oh, yes"

"And Lady Mary?"

Anna looked up at Thomas with a quizzical expression.

"You know she doesn't like being told what to do. She didn't want this at all, but I've told her to have as much fun as she can and not to pay attention to any of them."

"They don't stand a chance then. Should be fun to watch though."

Thomas looked at the time. If he was to help Green out in hopes that Lord Gillingham would get another invitation to Downton he'd have to find him fast. He made his way to the luggage room and thankfully found Green there. He looked up when Thomas came in.

"Just had to grab these cufflinks and then I'll be off to dress him," said Green.

"We need to talk. I've just been with Anna, the lady's maid, and she thinks anyone who tries to make a go of it will fail."

"Really now?"

"Tell him to make friends with Lord Grantham and Branson-what are his thoughts on Ireland?"

"Er..."

"You say he knows business that's his way back here. Matthew Crawley and Branson were helping Grantham with the new business methods before he died."

"He's not here to make friends with them, but I see your point. Go on."

"You make him sound like a fortune hunter."

"Oy, oy he likes Lady Mary-he does-but the money is a nice bonus," Green said with a smirk.

"Lady Mary loves the estate. Tell him to keep to those topics with her, but not too much she'll get bored. She's not really interested in much come to think of it. He can't try too hard. Let her choose the subjects. If Lord Grantham and Branson like him enough maybe he'll get invited for hunting in the fall."

"Romantic."

"Look if Matthew Crawley hadn't been eating here all the time because he was the new heir Lady Mary wouldn't have married him she hated him at first. She takes time to get used to people. She can't see him as a romantic prospect being forced on her."

"Sounds like a lot of _ifs_."

"My plans are usually like that."

"I'll tell him to be careful then. Let the other's make fools of themselves."

* * *

Thomas couldn't remember the last time the dining room had been so crowded. He was quite glad that there were five of them to wait the table. They'd invited Mrs. Crawley who'd thought that was a good idea? Surely she'd realized the ulterior motive of the party. At least Lady Grantham had the the sense not to sit Lady Mary next to any of the eligible bachelors. Lord Gillingham had been placed next to Lord Grantham and Thomas was pleased to hear, as he came by with the main course, that they were enthusiastically talking business.

The after dinner activities were a little different than usual. Carson and Alfred were working in the drawing room catering to the older guests while the salon had been set up for entertaining the younger crowd. A few small tables had been set up and the Granthams had hired a band. Thomas, Jimmy and Green were to roam the room serving drinks to the guests in the hopes that the drinks and entertainment would lead to Lady Mary having a good time. As Thomas brought Lady Mary her first cocktail he thought the only thing she was feeling was annoyance. Lady Edith seemed displeased too since her editor had not been able to attend.

"This party's off to a great start," he said as he passed Green.

From the makeshift bar in the the entrance hall, Thomas saw Gillingham approach Lady Mary. It was a good time to go around with another round of drinks. Thomas was waylaid by thirsty guests from the moment he stepped into the salon. As he got closer to the couple he strained to hear what they were talking about.

"Remember that time Fraulien Kelder..." Gillingham was saying.

Thomas saw Lady Mary give Gillingham a slight smile before he realized he was out of drinks again. He was filling glasses with champagne when Green saddled up to him and began putting glasses on his own tray.

"Hey, you think you could nick some of this stuff for later?" he asked with a saucy grin on his face.

"Mr. Green you hardly know me. I have a long history of nicking booze from Downton."

Jimmy came around the corner to get more drinks as well. Green winked and made his way back into the party.

"That Mr. Green's awfully friendly," Jimmy said looking slightly annoyed.

Thomas was glad he had a ready made excuse for talking with Green that was at least part of the truth.

"He wants to find out all he can about Lady Mary for his man."

"Hmm. Well if he wants some more tips maybe he should get drunk like that Blake fellow."

Thomas looked back at the party and saw that Sir Charles Blake was indeed rip-roaring drunk and was standing on a chair in the salon doing some sort of dance while Branson looked on in hysterics. Thomas was glad that Carson was in the drawing room with the older guests or who might have fainted from shock right there. Lady Mary, however, was looking at him while stifling a laugh. Thomas wasn't sure if she disapproved or not.

* * *

Thomas sat nervously on his bed halfway undressed. He'd already had several glasses of the whiskey he kept in his drawer and a half empty bottle of champagne sat on the table. Thomas wanted this to go well. In the few hours since Green had suggested it Thomas had pinned so much hope on the idea that he was sure he'd make a fool of himself. He jumped when he heard a slight tap at the door.

"Yes?" he breathed.

"You know it's me. Open the door," hissed Green's voice.

Thomas crept to the door and open it as quietly as he could.

"Who else were you expecting? How many lover's do you have?"

Thomas gave him a dark look.

"Oh c'mon only joking. A handsome guy like you. I'm sure loads of women have been disappointed by your 'condition'."

"You wanted some champagne?" Thomas said handing over the bottle.

"Why thank you my good man," he said taking a swig. "Mmm, warm. Hang on, I see you've got something even better."

Green was pointing at the whiskey. Thomas grabbed another glass and poured Green some. He downed it in one gulp.

"Now where were we Mr. Barrow."

Thomas felt a bead of sweat forming on his back and decided he'd better finish his glass as well. Andrew was coming over to him...God could this really be happening? Andrew was kissing him again and Thomas felt a light headed-ness that had nothing to do with the whiskey.

"Still nervous? Relax. Maybe getting out of these dress pants will help," he said tugging at the waistband and raising his eyebrows.

Thomas nodded. Andrew undid the buttons and got down on his knees to pull them down. _Oh God oh God_. Thomas had worked himself into a panic...the room was much too hot.

"Oh God..."

Green looked up at him.

"That's not the 'Oh God' I was looking for."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry...I...I think I'm gonna be sick," he said and promptly vomited in the bin. _Shit._

As Thomas looked up wiping his mouth, he saw that Green was still on his knees with his mouth slightly open. Green burst out laughing.

Thomas scrambled over to Green pulling up his pants as he went.

"Shhhh! You'll wake the others!"

"Steady on. How much did you drink before I got here, Thomas?" he said suppressing his laughter.

Thomas didn't say anything.

"Good grief, were you really that nervous?"

Thomas looked down at the floor.

"Sorry, like I said you don't have to explain yourself to me. It's fine," Green said getting up.

"You don't have to leave. I'd like to explain," said Thomas. "I miss that just as much as the rest of it."

"Alright, I can listen if ya want."

"You must think I'm a mess for ruining everything..."

"Well, it hasn't happened before," Green said with a wry smile.

"Its just that the last time I thought I might get to...you know...things didn't work out to say the least. It was awful."

Green was pouring himself another glass of whiskey.

"Something scandalous? I'm listening."

"The blonde footman, Jimmy. I-uh-developed a sort of crush on him after he got here. And someone I'd thought was a friend steered me wrong about him. I thought I was about to lose my job anyways so I-God I was stupid-so I snuck into his room and tried to have a go of it and well, you can imagine," Thomas said-it was like sucking poison from a wound. "By some miracle I got to stay on, but I just can't shake my feelings. Christ it's been almost two years now."

Green was looking at him with a peculiar, slightly incredulous expression.

"I bet I sound pathetic."

"Just a little bit," Green said and he came to sit next to Thomas on the bed. "Look it's not worth it. I know people never listen about these things, but two years Thomas? Let it go. Time to live again."

He leaned in and kissed Thomas. Deeply and then softly.

"You better get to bed Mr. Barrow," he said getting up.

At the door Green turned back to look at Thomas.

"Jimmy Kent doesn't know what he's missing."


	6. Chapter 5

**A/n: I felt like the guidance counselor from ****_10 Things I Hate About You_**** when I wrote this so I had to put a "quivering member" in (I'm not even sorry). This is my first time writing anything smutty so I apologize if it sucks or blows as much as these puns do. And because a picture is worth a thousand words:**

blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/Shrek_

* * *

The rays of sunlight coming in through the window were completely unwelcome. Thomas was hungover and had probably only gotten two hours of sleep. He was sure everyone upstairs felt the same way, but while they could sleep in and have everything done for them the servants had to put on a face and pretend to be up to their usual standard. He dragged himself to the mirror on his dresser. Faint purple circles were under his eyes. It could be worse. He'd had a proper snogging last night and that was something to smile about. If only he hadn't had so much to drink he wouldn't be feeling so awful and he would've gotten more than a snog. Maybe it was better this way, if Andrew Green came back to Downton, Thomas would be able to relax during their next encounter. He was nice; Thomas liked that.

He went over to the little garret window and lit a cigarette, carefully making sure the smoke went out the window so he wouldn't get in trouble with Carson. As he watched the little blue wisps of smoke unfurl in the morning air he realized that he hadn't asked Green how Lord Gillingham thought the party went. Hopefully he had good news on that front. He needed good news since the guests would be leaving after breakfast. He was sure that after Green left that he would only become more frustrated than before. Thomas got dressed in a hurry hoping that he could talk to Green before the servants' hall got too crowded. He was taking the stairs two at a time when he saw Green below him.

"Mr. Green."

"Maintaining a professional air I see."

"Never mind that. What did he say? How'd he think it went?"

"There's certainly no proposal in the works, but he thinks everyone hit it off sort of well. Mr. Branson seemed especially taken with Sir Charles-no proposal there either-which may work out well for the hunting really. Sir Charles might be able to wrangle an invitation for Lord Gillingham if he doesn't get one on his own."

"I don't know if Branson hunts."

"Well, surely he'd like a dinner buddy."

"You're quite the optimist," said Thomas wryly, nothing seemed to faze Andrew.

"That and Lord Gillingham's planning a letter writing campaign as we speak."

* * *

As the end of summer slipped away and the days became shorter and colder, Thomas and Andrew engaged in letter writing of their own, endlessly speculating on when and if another invitation would be extended to Lord Gillingham. Finally, at the end of October Carson expressed his dread of an upcoming shooting party Lord Grantham was planning for mid-November.

"How many guests are coming?"

"You'd have to ask his lordship, but he's not one for details," Carson grumbled.

At the end of the week Carson was distributing the evening post and handed Thomas a letter. Upon opening it, Thomas could barely contain his glee when he saw that Lord Gillingham had been invited to the shooting party. He spent the next few weeks in great anticipation of the arrival of Mr. Green and company. He got more whiskey and made sure to build his tolerance up, just in case, and nipped out to the local store for a more personal item that he furtively stored in his bedside table.

When the day finally arrived, Thomas woke up possibly feeling more excited than any other day in his life. He'd made sure he'd been able to use the bath the night before and his clothes and sheets were freshly laundered. Nothing would go wrong this time. He set up the guest servant room with Mrs. Hughes all the while thinking that Green would get no use of it. He was the only valet coming. Sir Charles Blake and Michael Gregson would be valeted by Jimmy and Alfred. It was perfect.

Since they'd all be arriving on the same train from London, Carson had arranged for them to go and greet their guests. As the two cars pulled up the drive Thomas told himself that he mustn't break face when he saw Andrew. When he got out of the car Thomas thought he looked even better than the last time he saw him. Thomas remained calm and only saw Green a few times throughout the rest of the day. By the end of the evening most of the younger staff remained in the servants' hall. Carson and Mrs. Hughes had gone to bed and Bates and Anna had retired to their cottage.

"I'm bushed. How'd you get out of valeting?" Jimmy asked Thomas.

"I already know how to be a valet and I'm not a footman. You have to pay your dues."

"Aren't you first footman?" said Green. "You'd still have to do it even if Barrow was helping. Or do you not want to be a valet someday?"

"'Course I do."

"You've sure got a funny way of showing it."

"Do you not like Sir Charles then?" asked Ivy in her sing-song voice.

"He is rather gobby."

"Aw what are you going on about? He's a fun bloke. He knows how to have a good time unlike most of those toffs," Green said.

"I like Mr. Gregson," Alfred said in a fruitless attempt to suck up.

"I'm off to bed then," Green said looking pointedly at Thomas.

"We better all go," said Thomas using his authority as under-butler. "It'll be a long day tomorrow."

There was a collective rumble as much of the remaining staff groaned and pushed back the heavy chairs before heading to the stairs. Jimmy caught Thomas before he could get to them.

"Could you give me some pointers? Only I don't know how to talk around him."

"Just follow his lead. Stroke his ego, they love to be flattered. I could tell you more, but I really am quite tired. Some other time okay," said Thomas leaving Jimmy behind in his wake.

* * *

Andrew didn't even bother to knock this time and was already in an undershirt. He came in with a devilish grin and immediately started aggressively snogging Thomas.

"Not too nervous this time?"

"No," smiled Thomas. "I've been looking forward to it."

Green moved from Thomas's mouth and began sucking on the hollow of his neck. He moved down, lifted Thomas's shirt and ran a cold hand across his stomach following that with warm kisses that got lower and lower. Thomas felt himself growing harder and could feel Green's chest pressing up against his erection.

Green slid back up Thomas's torso. He cupped Thomas in his hand and whispered in his ear, "I want you."

He began unbuttoning Thomas's trousers in an infuriatingly slow manner, staring at Thomas the whole time. Thomas could tell Andrew was enjoying prolonging his agony.

"Would you hurry up all ready?"

Green said nothing, but he smiled defiantly before slowing pulling the trousers down in one smooth motion. The cold air in the room was a bit of a shock before Green ran his tongue along the underside of Thomas's cock. He nipped the inside of Thomas's thigh before taking him all the way in his mouth. Thomas was overwhelmed by the sensation and had to grab Green's hair with both hands to steady himself which seemed to drive Green crazy. He felt Green make a silent moan and start humming with his lips.

"Oh yes," Thomas moaned.

Andrew moved one hand onto Thomas's balls and pushed on the area behind it for a few moments and then went back to grabbing onto Thomas's hip. Thomas looked down and saw Green put his other hand into his trousers to bring himself off. Thomas was so close that the sight of it almost pushed him over.

"Andrew, I'm about to-," Thomas gasped between ragged breaths.

Green began to suck even harder and his fingertips dug into Thomas who screwed up his eyes and came with a great shudder. Andrew swallowed all of him with one final suck before removing his own trousers. Thomas stared at the man wanking in front of him. Andrew was already pretty far gone; he'd clearly enjoyed pleasuring Thomas, but now Andrew was in his own world. Thomas looked at his flushed cheeks; Green's slightly open mouth was drawing in staggered breaths. Thomas was thoroughly enjoying the scene before he realized that he should probably help a fellow out. He got behind Andrew and ran his hands down his sides. Thomas thought of the jelly a few feet away in the table, but he was impatient so he spit on his hand before curling his fingers around Green's cock giving it a light squeeze. Andrew's hands reached back, made their way to the sides of Thomas's head, and ran through his hair. Thomas only had to pump his hand a few times before Andrew came. He looked over at Thomas.

"Tomorrow I want you to fuck me."

* * *

"How was the shoot for you, Mary dear?" Cora asked.

"Lovely Mama," Lady Mary began to say.

Thomas had finished taking around the pheasant and stood in front of the sideboard thinking of what he would be enjoying in just a few hours' time. His feet were killing him from serving all day, but this thought kept him going. Thomas found Andrew quite pleasant to be around, but he was mainly looking forward to the physical part of their relationship. He was leery of becoming too attached to the man himself because he was sure that as soon as began to fall for Andrew Lady Mary would realize that she couldn't fall for Lord Gillingham. The thought of Andrew being a long term relationship seemed too good to be true for Thomas and he mustn't get his hopes up. He glanced over at Jimmy. He'd had too much hope there and Thomas was still paying for it. He wouldn't get emotional with Green.

After the servants' dinner Thomas could hardly contain his excitement. He stayed in the servant hall as long as he could. Jimmy was playing the piano while Ivy, Daisy, Alfred and Green played cards. Thomas kept glancing at the bell board waiting for the Armada bedroom to ring. Green took notice of this.

"They must be exhausted from the shoot. He'll have to ring soon," he said and went back to the card game.

"Ooo Lord Gillingham sounds so dashing," sighed Ivy. "I hope he keeps coming. Wouldn't it be exciting to have a wedding party here?"

"It would only mean more work for us," said Daisy.

Jimmy abruptly stopped playing and turned around to join the conversation.

"You can say that again. When Sir Charles rings you can bet I'm in for a half-hour of him going on about the picture shows."

Thomas was mildly amused by the thought of a toff going to the pictures with all the regular folks.

"He loves the pictures-thinks the filmmakers here could learn a thing or two from the Germans," said Green.

"Why? Everyone knows those flicks are just a bunch of strange nonsense," said Jimmy.

"Don't be daft, they're great. Don't you think so, Thomas?"

Thomas widened his eyes at Andrew using his first name in front of the staff, but hoped they thought nothing of it.

"Oh I don't know...I like their scary pictures," he said and Jimmy looked a little annoyed.

"Don't talk about them," Daisy shuddered. She'd had trouble sleeping for weeks after seeing _Nosferatu_.

The Armada bedroom's bell rang and Thomas decided he couldn't take anymore chatter.

"I'm going to bed. Goodnight," he announced to the room in hopes that they would know not to disturb him later.

In his room Thomas took off everything but his trousers, set out the jar on the bedside table, and waited. When Green came in Thomas was pleased to see that he was still in his valet uniform.

"Let me help you out of that," Thomas said pulling him close and taking off the jacket.

He began to undo the shirt buttons and could feel Green's breath on his hands. The undershirt was pleasantly tight, he could tell there was a fit body underneath so he pulled off that shirt as well. Thomas surveyed Andrew's chest and for a moment he felt a bit self-conscious about his rather softer physique. He noticed some scars on Andrew's left side that looked like shrapnel wounds. Thomas still found him perfect though.

"You're lovely," he said running his hand's over Andrew's chest.

Andrew blushed. Thomas realized he'd never seen him do so before. It was endearing, he looked like a kid who'd been caught nicking biscuits. Thomas undid his trousers and stepped out of them, standing naked in front of Andrew. Andrew swallowed nervously, took off his as well and flicked his eyes to Thomas's gloved hand for a moment, but said nothing about the odd remaining garment.

"Are you going to be the nervous one now, Mr. Green?"

"No, it's just-you're lovely, too."

Thomas pulled Andrew into an embrace, enjoying the feeling of skin on skin. He ran his hands down Andrew's back and began kissing down his neck finally reaching a peaked nipple that Thomas ran his tongue over. He could feel the heat growing between them as Andrew began to moan. Thomas took him by the waist and began to back them up toward the bed. Andrew's knees hit it and they both toppled over onto the bed. He began giving Thomas deep kisses and Thomas felt his pulse quicken. They aligned themselves as Thomas fell in between Andrew's legs and they began grinding their hips together. When the sensation became to much to bear, the valet turned over and presented himself to Thomas who grabbed Andrew by the shoulders and flipped him onto his back again.

"I want to see you when I make you come."

Andrew couldn't argue with that logic and hitched up his legs a little. Thomas grabbed the jar, but before he could open it Andrew took it himself.

"Let me," he said and covered Thomas's quivering member with the jelly.

As Thomas entered him he thought he might cry out from the sensation._ This was the best._ He had to compose himself before he started to move. Andrew arched up, kissing Thomas so that he could hardly breath and digging his fingers into Thomas's back.

"Right there," he groaned when Thomas found his spot.

Thomas relished giving the other man such pleasure and started kissing on Andrew's neck and clavicle. Thomas gave Andrew's ear a playful tug with his teeth and felt the body beneath him shudder. He began thrusting harder and Andrew grabbed hold of the iron headboard to keep from yelling out in ecstasy, bucking his hips up the get more friction with Thomas. They went faster and Thomas noticed that the room was starting to smell like sweat. They were close.

"Oh God, _Thomas_."

Thomas let out a moan when he heard his name and gave Andrew a forceful kiss. Another thrust sent them both over the edge. Thomas could feel the slick between them, but he hardly cared. He collapsed, panting, onto Andrew and went along with the rise and fall of his chest while he regained his senses.

"Wow," he said rolling off Andrew. "That was the first time I've done that in ages-I mean I've had a tug now and then when I went to London, but not _that_."

"How long ago what that then?"

"Oh, it was-er-before the war."

"Bloody hell, no wonder you lost it with that Jimmy chap."

"And the last guy I was with he was...awful."

"At sex or as a person?"

"I dunno if you could call him a person," he said darkly.

"Well, never mind him," Andrew said tracing his fingers over Thomas's chest. "You've got me now and I'm good at both-you're not so bad yourself. Next time I can do you if you'd like that."

"You think they'll be a next time?"

"Of course there will be. She stood with him on the first round. Didn't they talk about the shoot at dinner?"

"Yeah, I guess, but I wasn't paying attention the whole time."

"Because you were thinking about me," he said in a way that was impossible to tell if it was a statement or a question.

"Because I was thinking about you," said Thomas stroking Andrew's hair as they drifted off to sleep.


	7. Chapter 6

On Christmas morning Thomas woke up with a start. He'd been waiting three days to open what he could only assume was some sort of present. When it arrived in the post Thomas had turned over the letter to see the instruction: "Do not open til Xmas". He opened his drawer and puller it out. Like all of Green's letters it smelled faintly of woodsy cologne. Thomas could only assume that his own letters smelled of stale cigarettes. The letter itself was not very long:

_Dear Mr. Barrow,_

_We look forward to ringing in 1923 with the Crawley's. Hope you are well. Happy Christmas._

_Your Mr. Green_

Thomas was impressed that he'd had enough self-control to wait for Christmas as this was already the best Christmas he'd had since he was a child. He got dressed and ascended the stairs for the gift giving. The Crawley's present this year was a gramaphone for the servants' hall and judging from Carson's expression Lord Grantham hadn't told him about it before hand. Thomas felt much the same by the end of the night when Daisy and Ivy were playing "Ain't We Got Fun_" _on it for the tenth time. Jimmy was talking to a disinterested Alfred about horse races in York. Bates and Anna had retired to their cottage where Thomas imagined something saccharine was going on.

_Your Mr. Green..._

Thomas smiled in spite of himself, the whole thing made him a little nervous

"You seem happy Mr. Barrow," said Mrs. Hughes. "You've had a good Christmas I take it?"

"Any day with time off is good," he said taking a drag off his cigarette.

"Yes. Next week will be busy though. Mr. Carson says they've invited quite a few people for New Year's."

"That'll be exciting."

"Ugh not again. I don't like them," Jimmy groaned from his end of the table.

"James mind your tone," reprimanded Mrs. Hughes. "Don't let me-or Mr. Barrow for that matter-catch you saying things about our guests again. Now if you will excuse me I'm going to bed. Goodnight and Happy Christmas."

"Happy Christmas, Mrs. Hughes."

"You wouldn't rat me out would you Mr. Barrow?" Jimmy asked after she'd gone.

"You know I wouldn't."

"Why do you like them?"

"Lady Mary's new friends? I dunno they seem rather modern-cosmopolitan-you'd think _you_ would like them."

"Maybe I've got better taste than them."

"You certainly make a better snob."

Jimmy gave a slight laugh, "Have you seen the odds for the races this weekend? There are some good ones we could have a go. I know a bookie in the village."

"I don't think I have much luck with that."

* * *

Green had a stack of magazines and was regaling the maids with tales of socialites he'd seen on the streets of London ("this lady was walking a cheetah") when Jimmy came into the servants' hall.

"I brought you some picture magazines I've already read. Might help you out with Sir Charles. They're pretty interesting, actually, you might enjoy them."

"What do you care?"

Green looked affronted, "I'm just trying to be helpful."

"Jimmy, what could it hurt to have a look at them," said Thomas.

"Fine, I'm going to my room though," he said taking the magazines.

"What's with him?"

"I don't think he likes it when you all come to visit."

"Whew!" Green said mockingly. "Its not just me then."

"I think they're romantic," sighed Ivy.

"Jimmy doesn't like anything that takes the attention off him," said Daisy and Alfred snickered.

"Sodding git."

"Don't speak ill of him," Thomas said. Green looked reproachful, but Thomas raised his eyebrows at him and Green shrugged.

"Why doesn't Sir Charles have his own man?" asked Bates.

"That'd make things easier," muttered Thomas.

"His died of the flu. He was very fond of him-he's been through three valets since then."

"Blimey," said Alfred.

"And he's sunk all his money in producing a picture," Green added in a whisper to Thomas. "On a different note, Gillingham wants me to go to Harrogate tomorrow."

"What for?"

"Some sweet shop they went to when they were kids a few times. The governess would never let her get the big lolly. She mentioned it this afternoon and he wants to surprise her. Maybe you can finagle tagging along what do you think?"

"I haven't been there in years."

"C'mon it'll be fun," Green said hearing the tension in Thomas's voice.

"I grew up there."

"What are you worried about running into mum and dad with me?"

"They're dead."

"Oh-well-there's not much to worry about then," Green said with an awkward smile.

"You're certainly optimistic."

"That's how I get by."

"You sound like Mr. Bates."

Green lowered his voice, "I hope not too much like him or you'll go off me. I'll ask at dinner then."

* * *

Green chose his moment wisely, Carson had turned to talk with Bates.

"Mrs. Hughes, Lord Gillingham wants me to go into Harrogate tomorrow to pick something up if you need anything from there?"

"Oh, I think we're all settled here."

"In that case, could Mr. Barrow come with me? I don't like to go to strange places on me own," he said smiling so that his eyes twinkled. He was trying to charm her. "C'mon Mrs. Hughes be a sport."

Mrs. Hughes glanced back and forth between them.

"Oh I don't know Mr. Carson may want him here."

Thomas felt a shoe rubbing against his ankle.

"I haven't taken my half-day in a while," Thomas offered-the shoe pressed into his toe. "We'd be back for dinner service. I can make sure Mr. Green doesn't get lost. And I wouldn't mind looking in on my parents' grave."

Mrs. Hughes being a sucker for any family tragedy looked at Thomas kindly.

"I'd forgotten you were from there. All right you may go if you promise not to get back too late."

"What's this?" said Carson.

"I was saying Mr. Barrow could go into Harrogate tomorrow with Mr. Green."

"But what about the luncheon?"

"I've already said he can go. Why not Mr. Carson? He and James can switch places on the serving schedule. Aren't you in the holiday spirit anymore?" she said turning to Carson to soothe his nerves. Thomas swore he saw a devious glint in her eye.

"She's great, isn't she?" said Green.

"You just got lucky," said Jimmy.

"There's no such thing as luck-" Green looked like he was second guessing what he'd just said, "Or at least you shouldn't count on it."

"I never get time off."

"Blimey, maybe if you weren't so jealous and look now you don't have to serve in the morning."

"You're very smug you think you're so-"

"Devil may care?"

Thomas flicked his eyes over to Mrs. Hughes who was still talking to Carson.

"-high and mighty mister dandy valet from London," Jimmy said and Thomas could hear the anger building in his voice.

"What and you aren't full of yourself? Grow up," said Green curtly.

Jimmy started to speak again, but Thomas cut him off.

"James that's enough."

"But he-"

"I said that's enough," Thomas said so forcefully that even Carson took notice. He looked pleased, proud even.

"Be sure you get back on time tomorrow, Mr. Barrow," Carson said.

Green smirked.

* * *

"What's this little love nest you've made?" Green asked unbuttoning his shirt and looking at the sheets and mattress that Thomas had moved to the floor of his room. Thomas smiled to himself thinking of when he'd called the Bates' cottage the same thing as he got down on the floor.

"Come down here," he said extending his hand up to Andrew before realizing he'd offered the left one.

"Can I take that off?" he asked looking at the glove.

Thomas pulled his hand away instinctively as Andrew too settled on the floor.

"What's the matter? You have a hairy palm from all those dry years?"

"Don't be daft."

"C'mon. You need me to be serious?" he said rolling his eyes.

"I don't like to talk about it," Thomas said tensing up.

"Do any of us?"

Green removed the glove and placed Thomas's maimed hand in his whole one. He pulled it towards him and pressed it on the scars on his side. Thomas could feel the scar tissue and a few pieces of shrapnel still inside.

"See? We don't have to talk about it."

Thomas moved his hand along Green's side feeling where the knotted scars interrupted the smooth skin. Thomas thought of the trenches. The smell of gunpowder, blood and decay. He felt a sense of shame when he thought of how Andrew must've gotten his scars compared to how he got the ugly mar on his hand. All the men he'd met. Surely most of them were dead. The people he'd known in the trenches Fredickson, his fellow stretcher bearer; and Matthew Crawley were both gone to say nothing of poor Lt. Courtenay, Lady Sybil and William. Only stupid Dr. Clarkson remained.

"You are the most handsome man I've ever been with," Green said suddenly, pulling Thomas out of his unpleasant reverie.

"Huh?"

"I mean it. I like your hair-" he tousled it, "I like your eyes, your mouth-" he kissed him, "-your neck, your chest, this freckle," he said kissing the spot on the inside of Thomas's wrist. "Come to think of it I never got a good look at your arse," he said rolling Thomas on to his side. "Eh it's alright," he said before climbing on top of Thomas and kissing him deeply. Andrew began slowly grinding his hips into Thomas who closed his eyes in pleasure.

"I like you a lot."

Panic hit Thomas and his eyes flew back open. He was used to falling for people quickly since he hardly ever got to see the same man more than once, but he wasn't used to anyone falling for him. Things never worked out and the thought of it made him fear the day Lady Mary would inevitably dismiss Gillingham as a mere dalliance and there they'd be with two broken hearts and Thomas didn't know if he could bear it. It had been broken so many times he was almost reluctant to give it away now. To have someone care about him in return was all Thomas had ever wanted, but it was hard for him to see an actual happy ending.

Thomas shifted underneath Andrew, "Do you think that's such a good idea?"

"Oh, Thomas," he said heaving a sigh.

"I mean it. Don't you worry about how long we have? This has been fun, but it can't be anything more than that? We shouldn't get too caught up-"

"Try not to worry about it. I don't want to regret anything and I could never regret telling you that."

"I still don't think-"

"Don't brush me off. I'll miss this when it ends. Is that better for you?" Green said rolling off him.

* * *

Thomas couldn't believe his luck at having the afternoon off to go to Harrogate with Andrew although he felt a little uneasy about going back to the place after so many years. Still he would have to pay Mrs. Hughes back someday. Even though it was freezing outside he relished the feel of the breeze in his hair on the bus. A few years previously Thomas couldn't have imagined going on such an outing with someone.

"By the way thanks for telling James to put a sock it last night," Andrew said after they'd gotten the candy.

"You shouldn't egg him on like that."

"Why should I care what he thinks? He's no concern to us."

"He's still a friend."

Andrew scoffed, "To you. You don't care too much about him I hope."

"No," Thomas said thinking it was at least partially true. He did still think about Jimmy sometimes when Green was gone-how nice it would be to have someone just down the hall every night, but Jimmy would leave one day too.

"Sorry, I shouldn't pry. I just find it a bit...unusual."

Thomas could feel Andrew looking at him, but avoided his gaze, "Let's go down here-there was a nice park if I remember."

Andrew was talking about some business Lord Gillingham was talking up to Lord Grantham ("He says coal has been on the way out since the war and Lord Grantham needs to see that.") when Thomas stopped dead in his tracks. He hadn't realized where his feet had been taking him. He supposed it was morbid curiosity.

"What is it?" asked Andrew.

"Down there is where my father had his shop-only it doesn't look like it's there anymore," Thomas said and quickened his pace to get a closer look.

"But I thought you said he was dead."

The store front said _Wallace's Phonographs_ in gold block letters. Andrew glanced over at Thomas with concern.

"Are you sure you want-" he started to say, but Thomas had already opened the door so he followed.

_If I gave you the moon, you'd grow tired of it soon-_

The proprietor looked up at them.

"Where's the shop that was here before?"

"That ol' clock place? Its been gone for years."

"What happened?"

"The bloke that ran it died. Made it through the war but the flu got him, worst luck. At least his parents had gone before, but there wasn't anyone to take over so here I am. Now can I interest you in a record or do you just wanna stand there and hear sad stories all day?"

"No-no. I h-have to go," said Thomas all the colour had drained from his face as he shoved open the door and Andrew ran after him.

_Cuz after you get what you want you don't want what you wanted at all._

"Thomas wait!"

But Thomas kept walking and didn't even turn around. Andrew decided to just follow behind him. Thomas kept going until the reached a little church. Andrew watched from the gate as Thomas went up and down the rows of the graveyard until he saw him sit down on the ground. He waited for a few minutes before tentatively approaching Thomas. As he got closer he could hear Thomas making small sniffing sounds. Thomas pulled out a cigarette and turned around his eyes red and angry.

"That's them," he said pointing at the markers.

One stone read: John Barrow 1860-1911 Dorothy Barrow 1865-1915. The little white cross next to it said Clive Barrow 1895-1920.

"Gosh Thomas. I don't know what to say."

"Of course you don't. You're so damn happy all the time you'd think nothing bad had ever happened to you."

"Don't be stupid. You don't think I've had problems?"

Thomas scoffed.

"Everyone's had their troubles."

Andrew got down on the ground and put his hand on Thomas's.

"That doesn't matter right now though," he said.

"It was going to be my shop someday," said Thomas who had taken out his pocket watch and was turning it over in his hand. "until dad caught me in the back with a boy from a few streets over. He said it was a passing thing I was doing because girls wouldn't let me. I thought he was going to leave it at that, but he told my mother a few nights later. I came into the house and they were both there-waiting for me. She didn't want someone like me living there and influencing Clive. So I got a job in service and now here I am."

"What happened to them? Your parents I mean."

"Heart attack. My mother blamed it on all the stress I'd caused him. I didn't hear much after that except when Clive wrote to me that she'd died-pneumonia or something."

"I'm sorry Thomas."

"Yeah-well we'd better get back."

* * *

When Andrew came into Thomas's bedroom their wasn't much of a romantic atmosphere. The entire room smelled acrid from the amount of cigarettes he'd smoked. Thomas was staring out the window when Andrew put his arms around his waist Thomas flinched, but didn't push Andrew away so he rested his head on Thomas's shoulder.

"I do care for you, you know."

Thomas merely sniffed but leaned his head against Andrew's. Thomas thought the last time another person had comforted him like this was Anna.

"Tell me your sad story then."

"It's not really sad like yours. I don't want to trivialize-I mean mine's just a silly love-"

"No. Tell me. I feel like I don't not anything about your life," Thomas said when truthfully he just didn't want to think about his own anymore.

"Give me a cigarette then," he said and Thomas lit it for him. "I was young and naive. I was footman during the 1908 season and this toff saw me at a dinner party, well he liked what he saw and you know how they always get their way. He was very nice at first, he promised so many things...he actually hired me as his valet. But then I found out he was a randy little leecher. I tried to ignore it, but after a while I had enough so I quit. He wasn't happy about it, he put out a bad reference for me so I had to work odd jobs til the war-the word of a Duke carries a bit of weight with it."

"A Duke?"

"What a catch, right? Any society woman would've been pleased to have him."

"He didn't happen to be Phil-" Andrew's face contorted which answered Thomas's unfinished question. It was like all the air had been sucked out of the room.

"He was a sodding git."

"He was the bloke from before the war."

"Heh. He's probably been with every invert servant in England."

"He's a bastard."

"He's a cheat."

"Nothing like you."

"No, nothing."

And then they were at each other, tearing their clothes off-a tangled mess of groping hands and frantic kisses. Green pressed Thomas up against the wall, feeling him.

"Barrow, I want to bend you over that table and fuck you til you don't know which way is up."

Green roughly pushed Thomas down racking his hands down his back. When Green filled him, Thomas let out a small gasp-it had been so long. Green bit his neck and whispered, "Tell me what to do."

"I want you to fuck me Green," he moaned.

"Say it again Barrow."

"_Fuck me._"

Green began to move into him with an incongruent gentleness.

"Harder."

He finally obliged to the original command and thrust into Thomas so hard that the table scraped across the floor a little. Green put his hands on top of Thomas's and threaded their fingers together squeezing them tightly. Thomas could feel Green's weight on his back. Green's hot breath was hitting the nape of Thomas's neck. A slick hand snaked itself under Thomas and began stroking him.

"Don't stop-oh God, yes-please don't stop."

But Green suddenly did stop and clapped a hand over Thomas's mouth.

"Quiet, there's someone in the hall."

And sure enough Thomas heard a floorboard creak outside. A few tense moments passed, but Thomas found the danger exhilarating. He didn't know why as he'd been so close to losing everything before, but tonight he felt excited by it. He moaned into Green's hand. Soft steps went down the hall, a door shut and everything was quiet again. Green let out his breath and Thomas laughed softly.

"I don't know what you think's so funny."

"I thought you didn't worry."

"I'm not stupid."

"Shut up and get back to business Mr. Green."

"You're crazy, but for you-"

Green placed his hands on the small of Thomas's back and then let his hands travel along the v on the front of Thomas's hips getting tantalizingly close to his cock and then would move back up.

"Don't tease me."

"That wouldn't be any fun."

But Green did take mercy on him and Thomas thought he may melt into the table after he came on it. He kept feeling twinges of pleasure as Green continued thrusting into him before he finished himself.

* * *

At breakfast the next morning Green sat across from Thomas with a slightly dopey expression on his face. Thomas was starting to worry that Green would give them away. Everyone knew about Thomas, but in the last incident he hadn't actually done much of anything. If Carson knew that he was fooling around with Green-he shuddered at the thought.

"What's the next big thing around here?" Green asked the table and rejoining the real world.

"There's the servants' ball in February," offered Daisy. "It's a bit of fun."

"Hmm, I'll have to ask Lord Gillingham if he knows about that one," he said and smiled at Thomas. A bell rang and Green bounded off upstairs.

"I know what you're doing with him," Jimmy hissed at Thomas. "Everyone knows what you're doing with him."

"Do they? Well, they're not doing anything about it."

"It-It's not right."

"Why are you being so nasty?"

"I don't want it shoved in my face."

"Maybe if you weren't so nosy," Thomas started before Sir Charles rang.

Jimmy skulked off with an ugly look on his face leaving Thomas confused. It hurt him to hear Jimmy say those things. He'd thought they were friends now and a friend shouldn't say something like that. He pulled himself together and turned to Anna who'd just returned from seeing to Lady Mary.

"How's your new year so far?"

"Fine thank you," she said looking at him warily.

"And how's it going with Lady Mary?"

"Why? Does your friend Mr. Green want to know?"

"Just making conversation."

"Well, I'll just say you'll probably get to see your new friend again soon enough," Anna said with a slight smile.


	8. Chapter 7

**A/n: Thanks to everyone who stuck with me through the long delay. I've got the next couple chapters outlined so hopefully I'll get them finished and uploaded fairly quickly.**

* * *

"Just like old times Barrow."

Thomas was in Lord Gratham's dressing room on the evening of the servants' ball as Bates had fallen ill; he was none too happy about it.

"Yes m'lord," said Thomas as he finished brushing off Grantham's shoulders. "Is there anything else?"

"No Barrow, I'll see you downstairs," Lord Grantham said, leaving the room.

Thomas was putting the gray wool suit back in the wardrobe when he heard a pair of footsteps coming down the hall. They stopped outside the door and he could barely make out what they were saying.

"-more careful. I don't want them to get any ideas about what's going on," said a male voice.

"Well _I_ don't care," came Lady Edith's voice. She must be talking to Mr. Gregson. "You're not doing anything wrong. It's not your fault."

"Listen to yourself. Do you think they'd be alright with this? And if it got out it could be very damaging to your father's investments. It can't be a topic of gossip. Go on downstairs."

Thomas waited a few moments before going into the hall. Mr. Gregson was still there looking nervously over the gallery, but he immediately headed for the stairs when Thomas opened the door. Thomas deferred to him with a polite _sir_, although he was sure to catch Mr. Gregson's eye.

Downstairs most of the staff had gone to their rooms to get ready. Alfred, Jimmy, and Green were sitting at the table. Alfred had a wide grin on his face while Jimmy was shifting uncomfortably in his seat.

"-you don't want to dance with any of the scullery maids? Well, I can't blame you with what they do with their hands all day," Green was saying to Jimmy. "I bet you've got your eye on a bigger prize. Don't you think so, Alfred?"

"What are you doing Mr. Green?"

He jumped in his seat and craned his head around to look at Thomas for a moment before turning back to the footmen.

"Asking our Jimmy here which Lady of the house he has his sights on for tonight. As long as it's not Lady Mary...Oh I know it's Lady Rose, isn't it? But not if Alfred gets to her first."

"He's being a nuisance more like," said Jimmy.

Thomas smiled, "Oi let the footmen be, Mr. Green."

Mrs. Patmore appeared in the doorway, "Did you two go deaf? Come take the last of the canapes upstairs else I won't have time to change and you'll have to see me on the dance floor in a state of partial undress."

"Careful Mrs. Patmore, they might like that," Green called after her as the footmen swept past, Jimmy rolling his eyes.

"Don't goad him," Thomas warned.

"I'm just playing around-tell him to lighten up-and you're on my side," he said before glancing around and sliding up to Thomas. "I'd like to watch you getting dressed, but I'll certainly be around to take it off later."

"I'd be on my best behavior if I were you."

"You're a mean man, Thomas Barrow. A very mean man."

* * *

At the ball Thomas kept an eye on Mr. Gregson. He only danced with Lady Edith once and it wasn't even a slow dance. Lady Edith spent most of the evening with Mr. Carson and various hall boys. Thomas had thought the family was under the impression that Mr. Gregson was a suitor, but he'd never paid that much to their dinner conversations about Lady Edith-not that they talked much about her anyway-but he'd have to listen more carefully in the future. Judging from the conversation he'd overheard, Gregson must be an unsuitable match for some reason or maybe he was in some legal trouble for it to bring a scandal that would sully Lord Grantham. But what that had to do with investments Thomas did not understand. He did not think it could just be about some ill-advised romance.

Thomas himself danced a waltz with Lady Mary.

"You look well m'lady."

"I am, Barrow. Thank you," she paused for a moment. "This song makes me sad."

"It feels nostalgic. Do you know what is it, m'lady?"

"The Barcarole from Hoffman," she said matter-of-factly.

"Impressive."

"I've had to go to too many concerts during my time."

"And I've been to too few," said Thomas feeling pithy.

"Of course, that was stupid of me to say."

He smiled-at least she knew it.

While moving around the floor he spied Ivy dancing with Lord Gillingham to her utter delight. Green had taken it upon himself to dance with the younger Lady Grantham. Thomas looked past Lady Mary and at Andrew. He looked completely charming leading her through the dance in his dark navy suit. As he turned he saw the odd couple of Lord Grantham and Mrs. Patmore-fully clothed-before his eyes fell upon the table where Jimmy and Daisy were sitting neither of them looking particularly happy. For a moment he let himself stare at Jimmy's face; perhaps it was the sad song, but Thomas thought it even more handsome pulled in stony discontent before he looked back at Lady Mary.

"Lady Rose is heading young James' way, he must be careful."

"I think he can handle himself m'lady," Thomas said as the song ended. He thanked Lady Mary and headed for the punchbowl as a foxtrot started. Making his way through the cramped room he finally reached the table where Daisy sat by herself now. Jimmy soon managed to extract himself from the clutches of Lady Rose and returned looking crankier than before.

"I'll be glad when this is over."

"Aw cheer up Jimmy, Sir Charles isn't even here this time-you can go straight upstairs to bed after the dance," said Daisy.

Green was approaching the table with a smile on his face to which Jimmy let out an audible groan.

"That was fun," Green said pulling out a handkerchief. His hair was sticking to his forehead with sweat. "Why haven't I seen you dancing Daisy?"

"Cuz no one's asked me."

"Well come on then," he said offering her his hand as the band began playing a rag. "You can't wait around on the edges your whole life."

Daisy looked shocked, but smiled as she got up to dance. Thomas was relieved to see she wasn't taking this as a romantic gesture judging by her expression.

"What a mousy couple they make," Jimmy said with a sneer.

"Leave 'em alone. What's your problem?"

"Nothing, I'll just be glad when Lady Mary moves on that's all."

The thought made Thomas clench his hands

"What if she doesn't?" Thomas said mainly to reassure himself. "And it's not like we're doing anything in front of you, are we? I know it disgusts you, but-" Thomas stopped himself when he saw Jimmy's ears going red; he was either embarrassing or enraging him. "It doesn't matter."

"Me, Alfred, and Lenny-y'know the hall boy- are trying to get a little poker game together," Jimmy said changing the subject. "Two shillings to play-do you wanna?"

"No. I don't think I do," he said getting up to find someone to dance with so he could get away from Jimmy.

* * *

"What's Lord Grantham investing in?" Thomas asked and seeing Andrew's perplexed expression added, "You mentioned Lord Gillingham helping him last time you were here."

"An industrialist-Fordyce, Forsythe or something. Lord Gillingham thinks the company will be very successful, but he doesn't have that much to invest himself. Your Earl, however, does. Are you keen on business now?"

"I heard Mr. Gregson mention it in the hall with Lady Edith, it was rather odd. He's hiding something from the family. She doesn't care, but he doesn't want it to get out. He said it could hurt the investments."

"Lord Gillingham doesn't run in his circle so I've got nothing on him."

"It's curious."

"Well, when I get back to London I'll see what I can find. I _know_ people," Green leered at him.

"A bunch of old lovers you have back there?"

"Would you expect anything less of me? I know you're well connected in Yorkshire if I ever need gossip on country life-who won this year's flower show, who shot the most quail."

"You know there's no one here."

"Isn't there?" Andrew said with a funny look.

"What are you going on about?"

"Nothing. Come here," he said pulling Thomas into an embrace. "I told you I'd take you clothes off."

He began fumbling with Thomas's tie when he suddenly stopped, "Wait we never got to dance together."

He held out his hands and began humming some song Thomas didn't recognize.

"You're being a bit sappy."

"You love 'sappy' and you know it."

But Green shifted to a more upbeat tune when he grabbed Thomas's hand again. It didn't last long. Green turned out not to be the best dance partner or Thomas's little bedroom wasn't a good place to dance because he ran into the arm chair causing them both to fall into it or maybe Green did it on purpose because Thomas found himself sitting on Andrew's lap. He began kissing him gently at first then deeply. He reached into Green's trousers finding his cock.

"Let's go to the bed," Thomas said standing up and taking off his vest and unbuttoning his shirt. Andrew was already sprawled on the sheets his vest and tie abandoned on the floor.

"I said I wanted to do that," he said. "But no matter, come take care of mine."

Thomas got on top of him and began opening the buttons of Green's shirt a trill running through him each time more skin was exposed. When he reached the trousers Green raised his hips so up so Thomas could pull them off-a task that still wasn't accomplished without some minor difficulty.

Thomas kneeled between Green's legs he spit into his hand and slid a finger into Green working him and watching his face so he'd know when he'd found the spot. He put another finger in and watched his lover writhing on the bed in pleasure. With his free hand Thomas reached up and stroked Green's face, tracing his fingers over his lips.

"You like this."

A low, yearning moan escaped Green's mouth which sent a shiver down Thomas's spine.

"Can I?"

He nodded enthusiastically and reached behind him for Thomas's table groping until he found the little jar while Thomas undid his trousers. He propped himself up on his forearms and looked at the man below him taking in all the detail; he couldn't know when and if he'd get to see him again and he wanted to remember. They were at the mercy of two people upstairs that Thomas hardly knew. Perhaps Andrew was right to just enjoy the moment and try not to worry. He had no control over anything as a poor servant-unless...He felt a hand on his forehead brushing the hair that had fallen into his eyes.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm trying not to worry like you said, but it's not exactly working," Thomas admitted.

"Maybe actually doing _this _would help," he said raising an eyebrow.

Thomas smiled and moved into Andrew still watching him. He moved his arms up so he could take Andrew's face in his hands and kiss him. He lowered himself gently so that he was resting on Andrew's chest and was able to lean his head against Andrew's. Thomas found it a little harder to move his hips this way, but enjoyed the closeness it gave him with Andrew who whispered sweet nothings to Thomas. He didn't pay much attention to the words as he was too distracted by the feeling of Andrew's lips brushing against his ear. When they'd finished Thomas rolled onto his side, but pulled Andrew close to him running his hands over his body and lightly kissing the side of his face.

"Have you ever thought about leaving service?" asked Thomas, Gregson's conversation floating back into his consciousness.

"You already know I had to for a while, but I'm a little old to start over now, aren't I? And I like Lord Gillingham. The excuse for not getting married's nice too."

"Aren't you a little old for that now too though?" Thomas said with a smile.

"My family would nag me to..."

"I couldn't do that," Thomas said surprised to hear that Andrew had a family.

"I thought about it once, but when it came down to it I couldn't."

"Really?" Thomas asked-he was intrigued. He couldn't fathom that life.

"There was a kitchen maid when I was a footman."

"S'always a kitchen maid," Thomas said thinking of Daisy.

"She was smitten with me and she was a kind, pretty girl. She used to make me laugh," Andrew said fondly, his eyes travelled to some far off place that Thomas couldn't follow. "I'd wanted a family of my own, but I couldn't do that to her. She had no idea what I really was."

"I'm sorry."

"Nah, it's okay. I've got nieces and nephews-not that I get to see them much with this job."

"What if I could get us out?"

"And how would you do that?"

"Mr. Gregson or Lord Grantham even," Thomas said, his eyes widening at the thought.

"Are you talking about blackmail?"

"Maybe, but we'll need more information first. I'm not usually successful at this sort of thing. I want to be holding all the cards this time."

"Well, that's reassuring."

* * *

The next evening after Lord Gillingham and his dear valet had left Thomas was leaving the hall bath to head back to his room. He wasn't looking forward to trying to go to sleep; he knew his bed would still smell strongly of Green's cologne. A door was a little ajar and stifled laughter was coming out of it. As Thomas walked past it Jimmy called out to him.

"Mr. Barrow-Thomas-are you sure you don't want to play poker with us? It's just one shilling now."

Thomas felt mildly annoyed at Jimmy for going back to being nice now that his disgusting vice, Mr. Green, was gone; but he knew he should try to keep his only friend in the house. After all who knew what would happen-Lady Mary still wore her wedding band. He sighed.

"Oh why not?"

Jimmy beat them all handily and it was decided that this was the first and last poker match in the servants' quarters.


	9. Chapter 8

At all the dinners he served at in the following weeks Thomas did his best to follow the conversations. Lady Edith's contributions typically were about the subject of whatever article she was working on at the moment and nothing to do with her relationship with her editor. Finally one evening Lord Grantham brought up a visit he was going to make up to London.

"Lord Gillingham, myself and a few others are going to meet with Sir Gregory Forsythe at Rules next Saturday."

A shadow passed over Mrs. Crawley's face. For all their claims of superior manners and honor Thomas noted that aristocrats had a special way of being obliviously insensitive. Mrs. Crawley only came to dinner at Downton once a week and, of course, this was the night Lord Grantham decided to talk about Lady Mary's suitor.

"Oh, what about?" asked the Countess.

"Nothing much, I musn't bore you ladies. Branson and I can discuss it later. I just wanted to tell you I'll be staying at the club."

"Really Papa why bring it up if you're not going to talk about it? Tom isn't some country gentleman-if you can discuss it with him you can discuss it with us," said Lady Mary.

"Isn't he an industrialist? I think he does something with chemicals," said Mrs. Crawley.

"Is that dangerous?"

"No, Cora dear. It's not like that and Forsythe's very influential-his brother-in-law is in parliament."

"Hmpf is that how he got knighted?" sniffed the Dowager.

"Mary, why don't you ask Anthony back to stay for a weekend and you can hear about it yourself?"

"We'll see, Mama."

* * *

Thomas was reading the paper looking for the-elusive, it seemed-industrialist when Jimmy came into the servants' hall one afternoon with his own magazine. They sat there silently for a few minutes before Thomas decided he should try to be friendly even if he did have an ulterior motive.

"Have you ever heard of Sir Gregory Forsythe?"

"No. Why?"

"Mr. Green says Lord Gillingham's trying to get the Earl to invest in his company and they mentioned meeting him at dinner the other night. I'm just curious about it."

"Oh. No, sorry," the footman said and Thomas could see that he'd tensed up a bit.

"Never mind that, what're you reading?"

Jimmy showed him the cover of a _Photoplay._

"So I see you did take Mr. Green's advice."

"I never said I didn't like the pictures. I just don't like the bad ones."

"Anything interesting in there?"

"The picture Sir Charles is producing is in it," he said turning the magazine to show Thomas. "They're almost done."

"The actress is pretty."

"I suppose so," Jimmy said absentmindedly, contemplating the picture. "Do you still like me?"

"Pardon?" Thomas choked on his tea.

"I mean after everything I've done, are we still friends?"

"Of course we are. I'm sitting here talking to you aren't I? There aren't many people who'd agree to be my friend knowing what you know and you did. I can't take that for granted...just try not to be so-well you don't have to be nice about it, but don't be so rude. Why? You aren't in any sort of trouble are you?"

"No. Nothing like that."

"Oh...um...well good then. All right then, what kinds of pictures _do_ you like?" Thomas asked changing the subject from whatever weird thing it had been before.

"Y'know-exciting things like _The Mark of Zorro_ that's a good one. Action, adventure, war stories."

"Eh-I don't know about you, but I got enough of that in the war?"

"I spent most of it in a camp in York...Not that I'm complaining. It's not like I wanted to go get myself killed or anything-I'm not stupid," he added seeing the look on Thomas's face. "It's just I don't want to spend my whole life being a footman in Yorkshire. It's boring."

"Ambitious, are we?" Thomas thought of Ethel sitting at the same table reading her magazines and was quite glad Jimmy wasn't a woman for his own sake.

"And why shouldn't I be? I'm young; things can change."

"Sure they can. Ambition isn't a sin. I'd like to get out of here too," Thomas gave Jimmy an encouraging smile trying to give off the correct appearance of a normal friendship. But this could never be completely normal-Thomas knew that and he knew that Jimmy knew that... "I better go over the menus for tonight," he said getting up.

"Thank you, Mr. Barrow...for the chat."

"Jimmy?" Thomas turned back for a moment since the footman seemed to be in a good mood. "Has Alfred ever said anything about Mr. Gregson? Something that would make him _unsuitable_?"

Jimmy looked suspicious, "I don't know what you're getting at, but I don't think so. Why don't you ask Alfred?"

"Alfred doesn't know much about discretion."

He did hope that Lady Mary would invite Lord Gillingham back. What Thomas liked most of all about his time with Andrew was being able to completely be himself around someone. It was the most freeing feeling in the world. He was glad Jimmy was being nice to him again, but at the end of the day it just wasn't the same.

* * *

Carson came in one evening before ringing the dressing gong and announced that Lord Gillingham and Sir Charles Blake would be returning to Downton for a weekend visit the next month. Thomas couldn't stop himself from smiling.

"So James you'll be looking after Sir Charles again."

Thomas was pleased to notice that Jimmy didn't look too put out about it.

"Mr. Green's coming back? That'll be nice," said Daisy, maybe Thomas had been wrong about her lack of feelings for the valet. "Mr. Green's ever so kind."

"Speak for yourself," Jimmy muttered. Thomas glanced at him-he certainly looked put out now.

"Why does Sir Charles keep getting invited back? He's not still trying to court Lady Mary?" asked Mrs. Hughes.

"I think it's Mr. Branson," said Thomas tearing his eyes away from Jimmy. "Mr. Green told me Sir Charles' mother was Irish so maybe that's why."

"Wonder how you found that out," Jimmy said under his breath and making a face, but not quietly enough that Alfred didn't hear it. The second footman looked confused and intrigued by Jimmy's comment. Thomas knew that Alfred knew about his inclinations and he couldn't let Jimmy's actions go unpunished. But Thomas also knew Alfred was an idiot who could be easily placated.

"Alfred, I'm letting you out of polishing the silver tomorrow. James can do it himself."

"What?" Jimmy whined.

"You know what you did," Thomas replied as Alfred joined in a conversation with Bates and Anna.

"I thought you liked me."

"I _do_ like you, just not the way you're acting," he whispered before lowering his voice even further. "Just because Mr. Green's coming back. What are you playing at?"

Jimmy looked like he was trying to find something to say. His jaw muscles were working, but no words came out.

"We can discuss it later if you want-"

"I don't want to talk about _that_-about _him,_" Jimmy said getting up from the table.

* * *

Thomas was smoking in the courtyard when he heard the door open. He was surprised to see that Jimmy was seeking him out. It was late, Thomas had thought most people had gone to bed already, and he'd wanted to enjoy the solitude of being outside. It was still bitterly cold out at night, but he could tell spring was fast approaching. He liked that-when you could begin to feel the changing of the seasons. He hadn't wanted to be interrupted by anyone-especially not a petulant footman.

Jimmy stood in front of Thomas fidgeting slightly.

"Thomas..."

"Yes?"

"I-er-have something to say to you."

"An apology I hope."

"Not exactly um...A confession more like," Jimmy flushed and looked down, rubbing his foot in the ground. "It's very hard to know where to begin. I don't know what to do-how to say this..."

Thomas's stomach dropped. He had a sudden inkling of what Jimmy might have come to say. _Please God no don't do this to me,_ he thought. _Please be something- anything-else._

"Why don't you tell me in the morning _James_? I should be going," Thomas said dropping his cigarette.

"No," Jimmy pleaded. "Look, I am sorry though about the things I've said, but it wasn't exactly my fault you see."

"No, I don't see," Thomas said looking around hopelessly for some way of escape.

"I was jealous. I've been watching you and Mr. Green; and then earlier, it's all everyone kept saying 'Mr. Green, Mr. Green, Mr. Green' and I couldn't stand it-" he took a deep breath "-I've been thinking about this for a while now and I think-I think I may be like you," Jimmy said, the last few words rushing out.

"Like me?"

"You know what I mean. I want to find out..."

"Don't say that please... What are you doing?"

"I'm serious. I wouldn't say anything if I wasn't. Don't treat me like some silly kid."

Thomas stared at him for a moment, trying to determine if what was going on was indeed real. He thought of an alternative explanation for what was going on. It would be easier this way.

"Are you making fun of me? Trying to get me into trouble?"

"No," Jimmy said looking hurt and Thomas had to admit to himself that this really was happening.

"You have fantastic timing. What do you expect me do now, huh? You couldn't have said this a year ago?"

"I'm sorry, I'm afraid and I don't know what to do and then you said you wanted to leave the other day. And so I _had_ to do something. Sometimes you feel things and you just don't want to accept it...Don't you understand that? What I'm going through?"

Clearly Jimmy didn't want to answer his question, but Thomas looked into his earnest shining eyes and felt something. Curiosity, perhaps, wonder about the one who got away. He could have lost so much for Jimmy to just brush him off seemed impossible, wrong even.

"Say something," said Jimmy.

"I have to think. I don't know what to do," he looked around wildly. "I can't just..." he trailed off wanting nothing more than to escape to the confines of his room upstairs. A cold sweat had broken out all over him made even worse by the chilly air. He felt close to being ill. The enormity of the space around him was overpowering. 

* * *

Thomas was pacing back and forth across his little room. He was screaming on the inside. What did Jimmy expect him to do? It was an impossible situation to put someone in. Jimmy should've just waited until Lady Mary broke off her silly courtship with Lord Gillingham. Maybe he could just tell Jimmy to wait until that was over. But what if they stayed together; got married? Thomas thought of all the possible ways things could turn out. Lady Mary could marry Lord Gillingham and Andrew would come to live at Downton. Lady Mary could end it and he'd never see Andrew again. Jimmy could leave Downton in a few years. Thomas could become butler and make sure Jimmy always had a place at Downton. He, Thomas, could successfully get the money through blackmail and live where he wanted-try his hand at a new life-or he could fail and get fired or face some other terrible punishment. But he hadn't found any leads on the blackmail front yet. How much of a future did he have with Andrew? With Jimmy? With anyone? Life was a strange thing-all the ways it could go.

Thomas thought he'd loved Jimmy for a long time and for nothing and now to learn he could get something in return... But he already had someone to love him. The cruel joke of it was that if Andrew Green had never come to Downton, Jimmy might've never realized he really did have feelings for Thomas. He reached into the bedside table and pulled out one of Green's letters. The smell of the cologne was fading fast, but Thomas could still detect a faint trace of it. The smell that filled his head every night that Green had visited him-that came back to him in his dreams. Green had said that he cared for Thomas-he might love him even. Thomas tried to focus on that, but the thought of Jimmy kept creeping back. He wanted Jimmy so badly, but couldn't bear to think of what it would do to Andrew. Time seemed to be passing in an excruciatingly slow manner. He went to the basin and splashed water on his face before looking in the mirror. He thought he looked insane.

He had never been able to think about Jimmy purely as a friend and what Jimmy said meant he certainly would never be able to now. He didn't know what to do. He could hardly go to Bates or anyone else for advice on this. He was all on his own. Laying on his bed smoking a cigarette, Thomas half-heartedly thought it might be easier if the bed simply caught fire. He would sleep on it that's what he would do, but the morning brought no answer. He went through his day speaking to no one unless they spoke first. Strangely, only Daisy seemed to notice that he was in a daze, but it was easy to put her off by saying he was just tired. Jimmy, mercifully, realized that he should keep his distance, but the mere sight of him made Thomas break out into a nervous sweat.

When night came again Thomas stared at the ceiling trying to figure something at, but there was nothing. The whole situation was inherently awful; there was no way out without someone getting hurt and Thomas would have to be the person to decide who. He'd never broken anyone's heart before. He thought of all the trouble he'd gotten into because of Jimmy-the stupid midnight kiss, the year of awkwardly working alongside him, taking the beating meant for Jimmy, the sometimes tenuous friendship they'd had since. He'd thought it all been for nothing-some noble display of unrequited love and now to be told that Jimmy really could feel that way about him and might love him in return someday... He'd been drawn to Jimmy from the moment he saw him; he couldn't say the same about Andrew. The feelings that still remained from the earlier passion flickered back into life. Logic could not help him here. He had to follow his heart and his heart wanted Jimmy some part of it had never fully stopped wanting Jimmy. He had to know, he _must _know. He might regret it his whole life if he didn't and what risks would Jimmy take trying to find out who he was. It wouldn't be his, Thomas's, fault if Jimmy got caught trying to learn that. It would be painful, he knew, but they'd all survive in the end. Andrew was a nice lad, not bad looking and he lived in London. He'd find someone new. Lady Mary would move on soon enough too and it wouldn't matter anymore, Thomas said to himself as he drifted off to an uneasy sleep.

Thomas thought it would be best to tell Jimmy he wanted to talk to Green in person before anything happened. He dreaded the days passing on the calender getting closer to the visit. It didn't help that a few days before his arrival he received a note from Green that read _He's already married._ Thomas had made his choice and he knew that this information alone may not be enough to blackmail Mr. Gregson and certainly not Lord Grantham, but it pained him to see that Andrew was still working on an escape for them. He had no clue that it could never happen now.

* * *

When Thomas saw Green's smiling face get out of the car the knot in his stomach tightened. Green was blissfully unaware of what was about to happen; he was still looking forward to the weekend. Thomas, on the other hand, was fighting to keep himself from shaking. The otherwise lovely April morning was going to be the start of one of the more difficult days of his life which was saying something.


	10. Chapter 9

The wine cellar was damp and musty as always, but he could be alone here. There was a gas lamp hanging from the rafter-if Thomas could push everything out of his mind it might still be 1914 and he was worrying about Bates telling Mr. Carson the explanation for the missing Chateau Lafite. Waiting until after dinner was unbearable, but it had to be this way. He thought, for a moment, about nicking a bottle so he could drink it afterward-he'd need it. The light-headedness from wine was different than other drink and the Crawleys' wines were the finest things Thomas could ever hope to taste. The cellar door creaked opened and Thomas was filled with dread when he heard the voice.

"There you are. Did you get my letter?"

"Mmhmm," Thomas murmured still putting bottles on the wine racks. He couldn't raise Andrew's suspicions now. An argument during the middle of the day in the wine cellar wouldn't do. He must act like nothing was wrong. The words started coming out like vomit; he was nervous. "I'm not doing anything yet. He was rather insistent about it not getting out, but it's not like people don't have affairs-what if Lady Edith's convinced him that there's nothing to worry about?"

Thomas froze were he was as he heard footsteps drawing nearer on the dirt floor. Andrew's arms wrapped around him. Thomas squeezed he eyes shut. He should have anticipated this the moment the door opened, but he couldn't just leave-the crate of wine was still halfway full. This was different than talking, it wasn't right. He had to put him off, but he couldn't find the strength to open his mouth. A hand traveled up to his shoulder.

"You seem nervous. You're too much of a dirty schemer. Patience, love. I'm going to drop a hint-subtly of course-to Lord Gillingham to invite Forsythe down during the season. I haven't found much about him, but he seems to be on the verge of being a very powerful man. Maybe this bloke's some kind of fire and brimstone puritan. I mean Mr. Gregson can't be worried for nothing."

"It's not that. I'm just busy right now," Thomas said shrugging him off.

"Oh? Too busy even for a little tug in the wine cellar? That's what these places are for, right?"

Andrew laughed and the sound echoed around the tiny room before it settled into a palpable silence. For the first time Thomas turned around. Green's face still had the traces of a smile on it, but it was fading fast and faded even more when he saw Thomas. Thomas couldn't imagine what his expression must be like. He felt claustrophobic-the already small room was growing smaller by the second.

"What's wrong?"

"Not now," Thomas found his voice again. "Look, I'll see you after dinner."

"Oh. Alright," he said fumbling for the door behind him. "I'll leave you to this then."

Thomas heard the door shut and screwed up his eyes again. He pinched the bridge of his nose, taking a few steadying breaths.

* * *

Dinner itself was an entirely awkward affair. Thomas spent most of it staring at his food trying to avoid eye contact with both Jimmy and Andrew. Mrs. Hughes turned to Green saying,

"You've become quite the regular visitor, Mr. Green."

"I should hope so, I rather like it here. It's nice to get away from London sometimes," he said and looked over at Thomas. Thomas averted his gaze which didn't go unnoticed by Mr. Green. Thomas busied himself by tucking into the mince pie, he could still feel himself being stared at. He blinked a few times and heard Andrew start speaking to Mrs. Hughes and Anna about the music halls in London he liked to frequent on his days off. The topic reassured Thomas, Andrew would surely find someone else in the city. By the time they'd moved on to dessert he had half the table charmed; not in the way that Jimmy charmed a group with his good looks and flirty glances, but with undoubtably tall tales. Andrew was going on about a woman who did a sword swallowing act who'd gotten the music hall's manager to give her unremarkable and untalented younger sister a featured act.

"Well, naturally all the ladies in the audience wanted to know why the sister had been given a place on the stage, but I'd say the men certainly knew."

Carson huffed. Bates and Anna seemed especially amused by Carson's reaction. It was like they were enjoying some private joke, but Thomas had no idea what was funnier than usual about Carson's reaction to vulgarity. Whatever the reason it was welcome distraction if only for a moment.

After the meal was cleared Thomas retreated to the chair in the corner and hide behind the paper waiting for everyone to attend to the family upstairs. When Andrew finally came back into the servants' hall Thomas got up and gestured at him to follow. They walked across the courtyard, past the garage and towards the gardens. The gravel crunching under their feet was the only sound. Leading him down the garden path, Thomas hoped that Andrew didn't think they were coming out here for shag, surely he wouldn't think that-the atmosphere was wrong.

"Will you just come out with it?" Andrew asked suddenly.

Thomas turned and stared at him.

"It's him isn't it? That's why you've been acting so strange."

He met Andrew's eyes for a moment and he understood. Thomas sat down on the brick retaining wall.

"We haven't done anything. I wouldn't do that to you."

"But your mind's made up?"

Thomas closed his eyes and nodded, preparing for whatever Andrew was about to do.

"How can you do this, Thomas? I thought I meant something to you-for Christ's sake last time I was here you wanted to blackmail people for us-and now you're basically telling me I was just some plaything to kill time with 'til something better came along."

"I told you about Jimmy that first night..." was all Thomas could come up with.

"Yeah, I get that you were settling for second best, but I thought that would've changed. I didn't go into this thinking it was going to be anything more than a little dalliance, just a bit of fun, but I don't feel that way about you now. What can I say? I want to love you. Truly."

"Please don't say that...this is very hard for me."

"And I can appreciate that. I'm not saying no one's getting hurt in this and I feel bad for him-_I do_ it's tough when you're young-but what you and I have is real. We're a sure thing."

"You can't know that. What happens if they break it off? Or the blackmail doesn't work?"

"And how often have you seen middle-aged footmen? There's no one here for him to be valet to. Don't even suggest George, they'll send him off to Eton and he'll want someone his own age when the time comes. Jimmy won't stay here forever and he shouldn't-he'd be holding himself back. Is that what you want for him?"

"Maybe we could run off together."

"You and Jimmy?" Andrew said incredulously. "To do what? Farm? Work in a factory? Not with your bloody hand. And you've got no money to start a business."

"Maybe I will soon."

"Don't you dare," Andrew said cooly. "If that even works in the first place..."

Andrew ran his hand along his jaw and shuffled his feet a few times.

"You're in love with the idea of him."

"But that's just it. I don't want to be in love with the _idea_ of him. I want-"

"Well I bloody well don't!"

"I never knew if I'd see you again. I don't want an idea. I want someone that'll be there the next day and the day after that," Thomas said.

"You don't think I want that? There are men in London I could see-"

"They don't live in the same house. In case you hadn't noticed that's a bit harder to ignore."

Andrew pressed on ignoring Thomas, "-but I don't because I want to be with you and only you. Shit I should of told you this last time. I thought that bloke was acting strange when I was here. I'm a bloody idiot."

He gave a mirthless laugh.

"He was afraid-"

"I don't want to hear about that," Andrew snapped.

Thomas couldn't bring himself to look up at Andrew who remained quiet for a moment before speaking again.

"You don't know what'll happen a year from now; he's just as much of a chance as I am. You've put him on a pedestal. Look at me Thomas! I'm here telling you right now I can give everything to you-I want to help get us out of here. What does he have that I don't? What do you want? Please don't let an idea get in the way of reality. Please...I couldn't-I don't want you to. Please don't leave me now. Don't give up on us, not yet."

For the first time his voice, which had been so strong and firm before, faltered. Thomas looked up. The man in front of him now looked like a small child. He hadn't been prepared to see Andrew beg. He searched Thomas's face for any sign of response before Thomas buried his face in his hands.

"Right...right."

Thomas heard the sound of Andrew's footsteps walking away and he uncovered his face. He stared into the empty space in front of him.

* * *

Thomas avoided Andrew until the last morning when they were packing up the luggage. To his surprise it was Andrew who spoke first.

"You're not who I thought you were," he said.

"Andrew, I'm sorry. I don't know what else I can say."

"A dog returns to its vomit," he sneered at Thomas.


End file.
